Hey Reader,
I have ALWAYS struggled with letting go of outcomes.
I’ve had high expectations of myself for as long as I can remember, and often ended up hurt when I expected from others what I would do - because others rarely show up the same way.
And as a lifelong perfectionist, I’ve often had a picture in my head of how something should be…only to feel that sharp sting of disappointment when reality didn’t match.
This week brought a surprise, a growth opportunity and an important lesson.
After my paid cat sit by the sea last week, I decided to turn the drive back to Wales into a mini adventure. No strict plan, just a starting direction: follow the coastal roads in the vague direction of home and see what happened.
A road closure took me through Rye, where I noticed an unusual number of people in pirate costumes. Intrigued, I stopped…and found myself in the middle of Rye’s first ever Pirates and Smugglers Festival. It was wonderfully surreal and EXACTLY the sort of random experience that lights me up.
Over the next twelve hours I explored Kent, Sussex, Hampshire and a little bit of Berkshire. I had fresh local fish in Worthing for dinner. I saw coast, countryside and castle ruins.
I was living my best life!
I’d imagined ending the day watching the sunset from somewhere beautiful. But the road I was on around that time had nothing but trees for miles, and no place to stop.
The old me would have let that take the shine off the day; I'd have focused on what didn't happen rather than what did.
This time was different.
Unbound Shift
Being 'unbound' isn’t just about lifestyle: it’s about freedom from expectation - both yours and other people’s - and the mental binds they create.
For the lifestyle part, a big way that I live unbound is through collecting experiences.
That could be grand ones like watching the Northern Lights dance over a fjord in Norway, hot air ballooning over the fairy chimneys of Cappadocia or being guest of honour at a meal in the Maasai part of Jambiani village in Zanzibar...
...or it could be more finding joy, magic and adventure in the everyday - because life won't always provide us with the ideal circumstances and so sometimes we have to work with what we've got.
Whether that's watching a sunrise over the sea, checking out somewhere new...or going on a mini adventure.
These experiences don't always have to be planned; you just need to be open to them.
And just as I couldn’t control stumbling upon the Pirate Festival, I couldn’t control NOT seeing the sunset.
The magic of the adventures I have (same on my travels) is when I let go of expectation and trying to control what happens and just go with it. Missing the sunset was a reminder of that - and an opportunity to practice acceptance.
Letting go of expectations isn’t about giving up on what you want; it’s about creating space for the unplanned to surprise you.
That's how I ended up having that meal with the Maasai in an area almost no tourists ever get to see. That's how all the magic (if you've read my book you'll know what I mean) has happened - and sometimes it can be good to have a reminder of that as life isn't a perfectly-curated Instagram reel.
The magic is in the mess and NOT having expectations is true freedom.
As introverts navigating a world that wasn't built for us, we often try to control outcomes because it feels safer. We plan meticulously, set high expectations, and then exhaust ourselves trying to make everything align perfectly.
But what if the very thing we think protects us is actually what's burning us out?
We're brilliant at setting expectations - for ourselves, for others, for how our perfectly planned adventures should unfold. We've been rewarded our whole lives for having things sorted, for anticipating outcomes, for making things happen through sheer force of will.
But here's what years of travel and countless mini-adventures have taught me: the magic rarely happens where we expect it to.
Unbound Step
This week, try what I'm calling the 'vague direction' approach:
Pick one area where you're currently white-knuckling an outcome - a project, a conversation you need to have, weekend plans, even how you expect someone to respond to you.
Instead of rigid planning, set a gentle direction. Like I did with 'coastal roads in the vague direction of Wales.' Know roughly where you're headed but stay open to detours.
When things don't unfold as expected, ask yourself: "What is this offering me instead?" The road closure that led me to pirates. The trees that blocked my sunset but taught me about acceptance.
Notice what happens to your energy when you hold plans lightly rather than gripping them with white knuckles.
Sometimes we have to work with what we've got.
Sometimes the magic happens precisely because we're not trying to orchestrate it.
And sometimes the lesson is more valuable than the view we thought we wanted.
If you're ready to redesign your entire approach to life with less rigid expectation and more aligned intention, Life Unbound breaks down Stanford University's Life Design framework into one exercise per day for two weeks, each taking no more than 20 minutes. Because the biggest shifts often start with the gentlest redirections.
I promised I'd keep the introductory price for the first 25 editions and I'm now approaching that number, so I'm letting you know first that the price will be rising soon - if you want to grab it for just £10 now is the time to act!
In your corner always,
Sam 💛
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Sam Sheppard
Introvert Life Design Strategist
I share practical tools to help you design a life that actually fits.
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