Why your brain won’t let conversations go. ↓ Hey Reader, I sent a message to someone last week. Just a normal message. Nothing controversial. They didn't reply for three hours. In those three hours, I: Re-read my message 12 times Convinced myself I'd said something wrong Analysed every word for how it might have been misinterpreted Decided they were definitely angry with me Mentally rehearsed how I was going to respond Replayed every recent interaction to figure out what I'd done wrong And...
about 18 hours ago • 2 min read
The hidden cost of being 'easy'. ↓ Hey Reader, Since being exiled in my hometown, a number of my friends in London have given me an open invitation to stay with them. But, as much as I want to be in London as often as possible, I only take them up on it when they actively invite me for a specific date, rather than reaching out when I want to stay. That in itself is a sign that I still have work to do. The last time I stayed with a friend, they'd offered multiple times. Insisted, even. And I...
8 days ago • 3 min read
If you've ever felt like the weird one, read this... ↓ Hey Reader, Confession: I've never really felt like I fitted in anywhere. At school, I had one best friend at a time. And then, sooner or later, they'd find someone else. Someone better. Someone more fun, more easy, more... whatever I wasn't. And I'd be alone again. I was bullied. Badly. The kind that makes you believe the problem is you. I was somehow never enough. Weird. Different. An outsider. As an adult, it got more confusing....
15 days ago • 3 min read
Helping or self-erasure? The line most of us cross quietly. ↓ Hey Reader, I used to think exhaustion was the price of being a good person. That if I pulled back, I'd become selfish. Ungenerous. Hard. So I said, "Yes" "I don't mind" "It's fine" "I can manage" "They need me" And because it was framed as kindness, it rarely got questioned. But some forms of helping aren't care. They're self-erasure. They happen when you override your capacity to preserve harmony. When you say yes because saying...
29 days ago • 3 min read
The boundary I should have understood sooner. ↓ Hey Reader, We're told that setting boundaries makes life easier. But - being real - in my experience? This isn't always the case. The right people will stay, they say. Work will become healthier. Relationships will feel more reciprocal. Clarity will be rewarded. This isn't always what has happened. As a life-long people pleaser I spent many years being exploited in work settings. Saying yes when I should have said no. When I began to set...
about 1 month ago • 3 min read
Introversion was never the limitation. ↓ Hey Reader, Did you know last Friday was World Introvert Day? And this may surprise you, but here are some of the people who would have been celebrating right alongside you. Not because you need famous people to validate your introversion. But because, if you've spent years being made to feel that introversion is a weakness, that you need to be "more outgoing" to succeed, that you're "too quiet", it can sometimes help to see evidence that's not true....
about 1 month ago • 4 min read
...why your resolutions fail (and what to do instead) ↓ Hey Reader, I don't set resolutions.Let's face it: most of us set them at this time of year and by mid January we've already 'failed'. It's usually because we're thinking too big...but also because we're focused on the what, not the how. And - most importantly - because we're trying to build them on someone else's operating system. When you set goals that ignore your energy architecture, you're not being ambitious. You're being...
about 2 months ago • 2 min read
When you don’t enjoy what everyone else seems to love... ↓ Hey Reader, Lately I’ve been noticing a pattern. Different people, different stories, same emotional thread. Someone dreading a Christmas party her colleagues are all looking forward to. A friend confessing that she'd rather elope than have the expected big wedding day. A client that just doesn't enjoy large social gatherings. And two people admitted something they’d never said out loud: “I don’t want the life everyone else seems to...
2 months ago • 3 min read
Why your brain thinks "no" is dangerous... ↓ Hey Reader, I need to cancel our plans tonight. I stared at the unsent message for twenty minutes before pressing send. My stomach was churning. My shoulders were tense. My jaw was clenched. My internal dialogue was catastrophic: She'll think I don't value her. She's already made arrangements. I'm letting her down. I'm a terrible friend. This is going to damage our relationship. All of this before I'd even sent the message. When her reply came an...
2 months ago • 3 min read
Celebration doesn’t have to mean self-abandonment ↓ Hey Reader, Every year, the same thing happens. December arrives and my phone lights up with invitations: We should catch up before Christmas! Most of them come from lovely people. Most of them are things I could do. And yet something inside me sinks every time. Not because I don't care. But because I can already feel the month pulling at me from every angle. And if you're wired like me, you start December already doing the maths in your...
3 months ago • 4 min read