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Sam Sheppard

Why some people cost more than others

Published 2 months ago • 1 min read

Hey Reader,

My mother has never stopped talking in her life.

I mean that with complete love: she is warm and funny and has more stories than anyone I've ever met.

A visit with her is like being showered in words - her past, the neighbours, the latest talking point in the town and EVERY detail of every conversation she's had. By the time I leave, I need an hour of silence and sometimes a sleep.

For years I assumed that said something about me: a patience problem, maybe. Something to work on.

What I understand now is that the exhaustion was never about the love; it was always about the load.

Introvert brains run at a higher baseline level of cortical arousal than extrovert brains - Eysenck's foundational research, supported by brain imaging studies since. That higher baseline means incoming stimulation lands harder and costs more to process. When someone talks continuously, your brain isn't passively receiving it. It's working through every word, every story, every piece of social information coming at it in real time.

Research also suggests introvert brains are more sensitive to dopamine than extrovert brains - meaning the same level of social stimulation that energises one person is running significantly hotter for you. The depletion afterwards is measurable AND documented. Biology, not temperament.

The unspoken assumption that more patience, more effort, more warmth would fix it keeps most introverts carrying the guilt of this for years.

The love and the exhaustion coexist - that's the part nobody tells you.

So this week's question:

Who in your life leaves you needing silence afterwards - and how long have you been treating that as a personal failing?

Sit with it. And if something comes up, hit reply. I read everything.

In your corner always,

Sam 💛

P.S. Know someone who always apologises for needing to leave early? Forward this to them!

Sam Sheppard

Introvert Strategist

Neuroscience-backed insights for introverts who are tired of adapting to a world that wasn't built for them.

P.P.S. Whenever you're ready, here's how I can help:
​
​1. 📄 Introvert OS™ User Manual PDF - the neuroscience of your introvert brain, the patterns you've been misreading and the language to describe all of it: a user manual for your introversion. Read it tonight - £19​

2. 🛠 Introvert toolkit - books, platforms, research and resources for a life built around how you actually work. Start here - it's free​

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Sam Sheppard

Introvert OS™

Finally understand why you're wired the way you are! Weekly neuroscience-backed insights for introverts who are tired of adapting to a world that wasn't built for them.

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