Hey Reader, A few weeks ago I delivered a workshop I shouldn't have agreed to. The contract alone should have told me everything I needed to know. It was someone else's design, and involved demonstrating a role play with a professional actor - not my comfort zone - and cycling participants through breakout rooms in a way that felt relentless rather than purposeful. It was only 90 minutes long and on paper I was fine. Professional. Nobody would have known I was uncomfortable and not delivering...
4 days ago • 1 min read
Why asking feels impossible (even when you know) ↓ Hey Reader, Someone asks what you need and your mind goes completely blank. Not because you don't need anything. You need plenty. But the moment the question lands, something shuts down. The words that were almost there a moment ago simply vanish. I've spent most of my life in that moment: Needing support I couldn't name. Wanting to ask for things I couldn't articulate. Sitting across from someone who genuinely wanted to help and having...
11 days ago • 3 min read
The decisions I've been circling for years... ↓ Hey Reader, Basically my whole life. That's the honest answer to the question, "Can you think of a decision you've circled for longer than you should have?" Not one decision. Not a phase I went through. A pattern so consistent, and so exhausting, that for years I assumed it was just who I was: Someone who couldn't make her mind up. Someone who made everything harder than it needed to be. What I understand now is that I wasn't indecisive. I was...
18 days ago • 1 min read
When one coffee turns into something else... ↓ Hey Reader, After becoming good friends with someone I'd been working with, she started inviting one of her other close friends to our coffee meets. Then another. "Hope you don't mind! I thought it would be fun for you two to meet," she'd say. I minded. I'd prepared for one person. One conversation. One level of energy output. Now I was suddenly in a different situation entirely. I'd been looking forward to our meets. But adding extra people...
about 1 month ago • 2 min read
Why your brain won’t let conversations go. ↓ Hey Reader, I sent a message to someone last week. Just a normal message. Nothing controversial. They didn't reply for three hours. In those three hours, I: Re-read my message 12 times Convinced myself I'd said something wrong Analysed every word for how it might have been misinterpreted Decided they were definitely angry with me Mentally rehearsed how I was going to respond Replayed every recent interaction to figure out what I'd done wrong And...
about 2 months ago • 2 min read
The hidden cost of being 'easy'. ↓ Hey Reader, Since being exiled in my hometown, a number of my friends in London have given me an open invitation to stay with them. But, as much as I want to be in London as often as possible, I only take them up on it when they actively invite me for a specific date, rather than reaching out when I want to stay. That in itself is a sign that I still have work to do. The last time I stayed with a friend, they'd offered multiple times. Insisted, even. And I...
about 2 months ago • 3 min read
If you've ever felt like the weird one, read this... ↓ Hey Reader, Confession: I've never really felt like I fitted in anywhere. At school, I had one best friend at a time. And then, sooner or later, they'd find someone else. Someone better. Someone more fun, more easy, more... whatever I wasn't. And I'd be alone again. I was bullied. Badly. The kind that makes you believe the problem is you. I was somehow never enough. Weird. Different. An outsider. As an adult, it got more confusing....
about 2 months ago • 3 min read
Helping or self-erasure? The line most of us cross quietly. ↓ Hey Reader, I used to think exhaustion was the price of being a good person. That if I pulled back, I'd become selfish. Ungenerous. Hard. So I said, "Yes" "I don't mind" "It's fine" "I can manage" "They need me" And because it was framed as kindness, it rarely got questioned. But some forms of helping aren't care. They're self-erasure. They happen when you override your capacity to preserve harmony. When you say yes because saying...
2 months ago • 3 min read
The boundary I should have understood sooner. ↓ Hey Reader, We're told that setting boundaries makes life easier. But - being real - in my experience? This isn't always the case. The right people will stay, they say. Work will become healthier. Relationships will feel more reciprocal. Clarity will be rewarded. This isn't always what has happened. As a life-long people pleaser I spent many years being exploited in work settings. Saying yes when I should have said no. When I began to set...
3 months ago • 3 min read
Introversion was never the limitation. ↓ Hey Reader, Did you know last Friday was World Introvert Day? And this may surprise you, but here are some of the people who would have been celebrating right alongside you. Not because you need famous people to validate your introversion. But because, if you've spent years being made to feel that introversion is a weakness, that you need to be "more outgoing" to succeed, that you're "too quiet", it can sometimes help to see evidence that's not true....
3 months ago • 4 min read