The hidden cost of being 'easy'.

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Hey Reader,

Since being exiled in my hometown, a number of my friends in London have given me an open invitation to stay with them.

But, as much as I want to be in London as often as possible, I only take them up on it when they actively invite me for a specific date, rather than reaching out when I want to stay.

That in itself is a sign that I still have work to do.

The last time I stayed with a friend, they'd offered multiple times. Insisted, even.

And I still spent the entire week beforehand anxious about it:

What if I'm in the way? What if I'm too quiet? What if they regret inviting me? What if I stay too long?

Not to mention What if I can't sleep? and How will I cope with no autonomy over time to myself?

I arrived with a gift. Didn't take up space. Tried to be as useful as possible and not overstay my welcome.

And when I got home, I was exhausted. Not from the visit itself; from the constant mental gymnastics of trying not to be a burden.

This - honestly - is how I've lived my entire life.

Unbound Shift:

Here's the pattern I've noticed in myself:

My default setting is to twist myself into knots to avoid inconveniencing anyone else.

I'll say yes when I mean no. I'll skip meals rather than ask someone to accommodate me. I'll cancel my own plans to fit around someone else's.

I overthink EVERY interaction. Anticipate and replay conversations in my head.

So I've always made myself small. Convenient. Easy.

I prioritise everyone else's needs over my own. And then wonder why I'm constantly exhausted and resentful, often feeling more isolated than ever.
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I've gotten better - done a LOT of work on my people-pleasing and boundaries and whilst in general I'm pretty good with the latter now, I'm still a work in progress.

My biggest learning?

When you spend all your energy making sure you're not a burden, you become a burden to yourself.

Prioritising others comes at a cost.
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And when I started talking about introversion, building a community and working with introverted clients what I noticed was EVERY single introvert I spoke to shared the same core struggles:
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1. People-pleasing
2. Boundary-setting
3. Overthinking

I was reminded of this recently when working with an async coaching client who also spoke of feeling like a burden.

To make the shift from perceiving yourself as a burden to someone whose needs are valid and equally important can truly be life-changing.

It's not easy, but it's worth it.

Unbound Step:

This week, notice when you're prioritising someone else's needs over your own.

When it happens, ask yourself:

• Did they actually ask me to do this? Or am I assuming they need me to?
• What would happen if I didn't? Actual consequences. Not catastrophised ones.
• What do I actually need right now? Not what I should need. What I do.
• What would I tell a friend in this situation? Would I tell them they're being a burden? Or that their needs matter?

Then, just once this week, try this:

Ask for what you need without apologising.

"I need to leave by 8pm."

"I'd prefer to meet somewhere closer to me."

"Can we do this another day? I don't have the energy today."

No "sorry." No explanation. No making yourself smaller.

Just the need. Clearly stated.

You might find that most people just say "Okay" and move on.

Because the burden you've been carrying? It was never theirs.

It was always yours.

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In your corner always,

Sam 💛

P.S. If you've been feeling exhausted from constantly prioritising the needs of others over your own, something's coming VERY soon that can help - watch this space!

Sam Sheppard Introvert OS™ I share practical tools to help you design a life that actually fits.

Let's connect! 👋🏻 You can find me on LinkedIn, Instagram, TikTok and Threads. Catch up with past editions on my website.
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