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Sam Sheppard

The Conversation I've Had 47 Times In My Head

Published about 17 hours ago • 2 min read

Why your brain won’t let conversations go.

↓

Hey Reader,

I sent a message to someone last week.

Just a normal message. Nothing controversial.

They didn't reply for three hours.

In those three hours, I:

  • Re-read my message 12 times
  • Convinced myself I'd said something wrong
  • Analysed every word for how it might have been misinterpreted
  • Decided they were definitely angry with me
  • Mentally rehearsed how I was going to respond
  • Replayed every recent interaction to figure out what I'd done wrong

And their reply?

Sorry, was in a meeting! Yes, sounds good.

This is my brain. Constantly.

Unbound Shift:

I don't just have conversations. I have them before they happen. During. And then 47 times afterwards.

Before: rehearsing what I'll say, how I'll say it, what they might respond, how I'll respond to that.

During: monitoring their reactions, adjusting in real-time, storing things to analyse later.

After: replaying everything, dissecting what I said, what I should have said, what they meant, what I think they meant.

It's exhausting.

And for years, I thought this meant something was wrong with me. That I was overthinking. Being neurotic. Making things complicated.

When I started working with other introverts, I noticed that ALL of them were experiencing the same thing.

And I realised this is how my brain processes social interaction.

I'm not overthinking (at least, not in the anxiety brain sense, though I can definitely do that too). I'm just...thinking. A lot. Because that's how I make sense of things.

The problem isn't the thinking; it's the judgment about the thinking.

Unbound Step:

The Rumination Release

When you catch yourself replaying a conversation for the 47th time, try this:

Write it down.

Actually write it. Everything you're thinking.

  • What you said
  • What you're worried it means
  • What you're worried they think
  • What you think you should have said

Get it out of your head and onto paper. Then ask yourself:

  1. What's the worst case scenario I'm imagining? Write that down too. Be specific.
  2. What evidence do I actually have that this is true? Not feelings. Evidence.
  3. What would I tell a friend who was spiralling about this? Write that down.

Then, here's the most important bit:

Put the paper away and do something else.

Go for a walk. Make a drink. Watch something. Read something.

Give your brain a different job.

You're not trying to stop the thinking; you're just trying to complete the loop so it doesn't keep cycling.

Your brain is just trying to process something it hasn't finished yet.

In your corner always,
Sam 💛

P.S. Introvert OS™ is coming back VERY soon! If you're tired of your brain doing this on repeat, stay tuned...

Sam Sheppard

Introvert OS™

I share practical tools to help you design a life that actually fits.

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