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When yes costs more than you can afford...

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Hey Reader,

"Is there further reading about what you said? About introverts struggling with people-pleasing and boundaries?"

The question came at the end of last week's workshop Q&A.

I'd shared during the workshop that every introvert I've coached has experienced the same challenges: confidence, people-pleasing, boundary-setting and overthinking.

How it's my belief this is because we're all made to feel weird and that we need to change who we are to fit in and succeed from an early age.

And the anecdote had resonated with this participant; she's been experiencing the same challenges.

Boundaries are tough for introverts because, deep down, we fear rejection and desire a level of acceptance we struggle to believe will come if we are our full selves.

So we say yes when we mean no, over-explain and hold space for everyone else whilst our own needs queue patiently in the corner, growing increasingly resentful.

And then we wonder why we're exhausted.

I created a Boundary Setting Playbook years ago for my own recovery from chronic people-pleasing - it used to part of my Introvert Success Toolkit.

After the workshop, I gifted it to participants who left testimonials.

Within hours, I received this:

"I've just finished reading your Boundary Setting Playbook from start to finish and it's great! Clear, easy to follow, well-explained, and I really appreciate having the example scripts to refer back to. They have come in useful already because an acquaintance texted today to ask my wife and I if we would look after their crazy / slightly dangerous dog for 6 hours at short notice 😅 The scripts worked a treat."

He used it the same day he'd received it.

You already know you need boundaries.

You've known for a while.

What's been missing isn't awareness: it's having the exact words to use and the permission to actually say them.

Unbound Shift

Boundaries aren't about being difficult or unkind.

They're not about building walls or pushing people away.

Boundaries are simply you understanding and communicating your needs.

That's it.

But if you're an introvert who's spent years accommodating, adapting and making yourself smaller to make others comfortable, this simple act can feel revolutionary.

Terrifying, even.

We tell ourselves stories: "I'm being selfish." "I'm letting them down." "They'll think I'm difficult." "If I say no to this, they won't ask me again."

Meanwhile, we're drowning.

The shift happens when you realise: your worth doesn't come from the approval of others.

When we constantly prioritise others' needs over our own, we internalise the belief that we aren't worthy. This creates a cycle where we prove our worth by meeting everyone else's needs. Which leaves us burnt out and resentful - because we're betraying ourselves.

Boundaries aren't about what other people do; they're about what you do.

They're about taking responsibility for your own wellbeing by clearly communicating your needs and following through with action when those needs aren't respected.

Like a muscle, the more you use them, the stronger they become.

Unbound Step

This week, I want you to identify one boundary you need to set.

Not ten. Not a complete overhaul of your life. Just one.

Here's how:

1. Notice where you're leaking energy

Where are you feeling stressed, resentful, or drained? That feeling is data. Your body knows before your mind catches up.

2. Name what you actually need

Not what you should want. Not what would make everyone else happy. What do you need?

Practice saying:

• "I'd prefer to..."
• "I'm more comfortable with..."
• "What works for me is..."

3. Choose your words

Here are some scripts you can adapt:

For work:

• "I don't check emails outside of working hours."
• "I need some time to process my thoughts before I respond."
• "I'm already working on X and Y, and if I add Z there won't be enough time to complete all three. Could you tell me what to prioritise?"

For relationships:

• "I'm not looking for advice right now. I just need you to listen."
• "I need some time alone. I would like to continue this chat another day."
• "I love you, but I can't be your primary support system right now - I am also struggling."

For saying no (without explanation):

• "Thank you for thinking of me. I won't be able to."
• "I don't have the bandwidth for that right now."
• "That doesn't work for me."

Remember: "No" is a full sentence.

4. Rehearse if you need to

If it feels daunting, say the words out loud to yourself first. Notice where you want to over-explain or apologise. Edit those bits out.

5. Follow through

This is the crucial part. If you set a boundary and don't uphold it, you teach people that your boundaries are negotiable. They're not.

You may feel guilt. You may worry you've upset someone. This is normal. Sit with the discomfort. It lessens with practice.

That participant's question stayed with me.

So I'm making the Boundary Setting Playbook available.

It includes:

• Why boundaries are essential for your wellbeing
• The crucial difference between boundaries and demands
• How to identify where you need boundaries
• 20+ word-for-word scripts for work, relationships and saying no
• What to do when people push back or don't respect them
• Language guidance - respectful vs controlling

It's £17, and it's designed to be practical, not theoretical. Read it once, refer back whenever you need the exact words.

​Access the Boundary Setting Playbook here​

Whether you use my playbook or create your own system, what matters is this: you deserve a life where your needs aren't constantly at the bottom of the pile. Where you can help others from a place of genuine choice, not depletion.

That life is possible. It starts with one boundary.

In your corner always,

Sam 💛

P.S. If you've already set a boundary recently, I'd love to hear about it. Reply to this email and tell me what happened (and if you used one of the scripts, I especially want to know which one!)

Sam Sheppard Introvert OS™ I share practical tools to help you design a life that actually fits. ​

Let's connect! 👋🏻 You can find me on LinkedIn, Instagram, TikTok and Threads. Catch up with past editions on my website.
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