When one coffee turns into something else...

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Hey Reader,

After becoming good friends with someone I'd been working with, she started inviting one of her other close friends to our coffee meets.

Then another.

"Hope you don't mind! I thought it would be fun for you two to meet," she'd say.

I minded.

I'd prepared for one person. One conversation. One level of energy output.

Now I was suddenly in a different situation entirely.

I'd been looking forward to our meets. But adding extra people changes the dynamics; for me it's deeply uncomfortable. Stressful. And there's no way to say "actually, I do mind" without looking like a difficult person.

So, each time, I agreed. But inside, I felt ambushed.

And I never enjoyed those meets. She was trying to bring us together but she was inadvertently pushing me further away.

Unbound Shift:

Here's what people don't understand: when you're an introvert, you prepare for social interaction.

Not just logistically. Mentally. Emotionally. Energetically.

You brace yourself for a specific situation. You allocate a specific amount of energy.

When someone changes the plan without asking, it's not that you're being being inflexible.

You're being asked to show up in a completely different way than you'd prepared for.

One-to-one, I can be myself. I can go deep. I can be honest.

In a group, I have to manage dynamics. Read the room. Perform connection in a way that feels safe for everyone.

It's not the same interaction. And it doesn't cost the same energy.

Unbound Step:

The "Actually, I'd Prefer Just Us" Script

Next time someone tries to add people to plans you've already made, try saying: "I was really looking forward to just us catching up. Can we keep it to the two of us this time?"

That's it. No apology. No over-explaining.

If they push back ("But I thought it would be nice!"), you can say:

"I'm sure it would be, but I don't have the energy for a group today. Let's do something all together another time."

And if you're already in the situation (like I was):

You can leave earlier than planned. You don't owe anyone your full energy when the situation wasn't what you agreed to.

"This has been lovely, but I need to head off. Let's schedule that one-to-one for next week?"

Your time and energy are yours to manage.

Not wanting to share them with surprise guests doesn't make you difficult.

It makes you someone with boundaries.

💌 SAVE THE DATE: Introvert OS™ is BACK!

I'll be running my signature Introvert OS™ workshop again on Saturday 22nd March.

It's a 90-minute workshop that teaches you how to reclaim your energy by understanding your brain actually works as an introvert - rooted in neuroscience, not stereotypes - and how to communicate your needs without guilt.

Last time, attendees said:

I'll officially launch ticket sales in next week's newsletter, on Tuesday 3rd March, and as a valued subscriber you'll get first access at an exclusive early bird price!

If you're tired of constantly apologising for your needs, this workshop will help. I'll share more details next week.

In your corner always,

Sam 💛

Sam Sheppard Introvert OS™ I share practical tools to help you design a life that actually fits.

Let's connect! 👋🏻 You can find me on LinkedIn, Instagram, TikTok and Threads. Catch up with past editions on my website.
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