When you don’t enjoy what everyone else seems to love... ↓ Hey Reader, Lately I’ve been noticing a pattern. Different people, different stories, same emotional thread. Someone dreading a Christmas party her colleagues are all looking forward to. A friend confessing that she'd rather elope than have the expected big wedding day. A client that just doesn't enjoy large social gatherings. And two people admitted something they’d never said out loud: “I don’t want the life everyone else seems to...
3 days ago • 3 min read
Why your brain thinks "no" is dangerous... ↓ Hey Reader, I need to cancel our plans tonight. I stared at the unsent message for twenty minutes before pressing send. My stomach was churning. My shoulders were tense. My jaw was clenched. My internal dialogue was catastrophic: She'll think I don't value her. She's already made arrangements. I'm letting her down. I'm a terrible friend. This is going to damage our relationship. All of this before I'd even sent the message. When her reply came an...
10 days ago • 3 min read
Celebration doesn’t have to mean self-abandonment ↓ Hey Reader, Every year, the same thing happens. December arrives and my phone lights up with invitations: We should catch up before Christmas! Most of them come from lovely people. Most of them are things I could do. And yet something inside me sinks every time. Not because I don't care. But because I can already feel the month pulling at me from every angle. And if you're wired like me, you start December already doing the maths in your...
17 days ago • 4 min read
How your nervous system processes the cost of being 'on' ↓ Hey Reader, This week I was reminded of something I wish weren’t true, but always is: your body will set a boundary for you if you refuse to set it yourself. As an introvert with an anxiety disorder for the past few weeks I've really pushed myself, first to ensure my first ever Introvert OS™ workshop delivered and also in preparing a talk for an HR conference. Both were firsts and I really get into my head about firsts. My talk was on...
24 days ago • 3 min read
When yes costs more than you can afford... ↓ Hey Reader, "Is there further reading about what you said? About introverts struggling with people-pleasing and boundaries?" The question came at the end of last week's workshop Q&A. I'd shared during the workshop that every introvert I've coached has experienced the same challenges: confidence, people-pleasing, boundary-setting and overthinking. How it's my belief this is because we're all made to feel weird and that we need to change who we are...
about 1 month ago • 4 min read
Why Rest Doesn’t Recharge Introverts. ↓ Hey Reader, You finally get a free day. No meetings. No obligations. No one asking anything of you. You stay home. You do 'nothing'. You rest. And somehow, by the end of the day, you're still tired. Not physically exhausted - you haven't done anything. But mentally, emotionally, energetically... depleted. What's wrong with you? Nothing. You just rested when you needed to regulate. Unbound Shift Most advice about 'self-care' gets this one thing wrong: It...
about 1 month ago • 3 min read
Self-awareness isn’t the problem. ↓ Hey Reader, You've read the articles. Listened to the podcasts. Taken the personality tests. You know yourself better than most people ever will: You understand that you need boundaries. That you process differently. That you need to protect your energy. So why are you still exhausted? The most common thing I hear from introverts is: “I’ve done the work - why am I still tired?” Because knowing and doing are not the same thing. And somewhere between "I know...
about 2 months ago • 2 min read
Stop paying the guilt tax! ↓ Hey Reader, The message comes in at 7:43pm. "Do you have 5 minutes tomorrow for a quick call?" You know what 'quick' means. You know you should say yes. You know it won't actually be 5 minutes. You also know that if you say no, you'll spend the entire evening crafting the 'perfect' decline message, then lie awake wondering if you've damaged the relationship. So you say yes. And spend the evening resenting it instead. This is what energy protection looks like when...
about 2 months ago • 4 min read
If last week was about what you notice, this week is about what you do with it. ↓ Hey Reader, There's a specific kind of panic that happens in meetings. Someone asks a question. You know the answer - multiple answers, actually. Your brain immediately starts running quality control: which one is most accurate? Most relevant? Most useful right now? You're not slow. You're thorough. But while you're refining your response, someone else has already started talking. Thinking out loud. Getting...
about 2 months ago • 2 min read
It's information, not weakness. ↓ Hey Reader, “You’re too sensitive.” Throughout my life, I've been called this many times, by many different people. I always perceived this as a criticism.And sometimes it was. Other times they just meant that I notice things other people don't. Regardless, I thought my sensitivity was a flaw. I noticed: When the music was too loud (everyone else seemed fine) When the office got chaotic (everyone else kept working) When I needed time alone after meetings...
2 months ago • 2 min read